I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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