I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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