Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
