Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
