Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
