need another drink. this is the easiest way
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
