i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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