So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
