I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
