I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
