I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
