We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
as a side note pls kill me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
