his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
