I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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