: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
