'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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