If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
God, I missed his penis.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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