Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
