I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
