another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Randomize
