Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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