I want to walk on stilts...naked
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
