Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
