Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
