If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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