i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
