Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
