We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
