She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
