All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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