Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
