I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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