he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
