Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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