Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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