he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
