I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
