Your face is a jimmy john
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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