my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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