We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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