i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
