What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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