I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
