There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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