that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
