Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
