Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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