John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
