Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
