Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
