the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
