I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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