Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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