I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
