so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
is it fun? or sober?
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