dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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