how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's blow job season.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
