I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
