I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i think my mom watched the whole time
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
