Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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