I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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