So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
