i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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