I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
