i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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