If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
