I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
