So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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