Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
