you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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