Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
