my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
