Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This baby is an asshole
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
