Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
