found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
