My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
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