I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
