I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
